Why can't I connect with people?

I have always had a hard time connecting with people. I have read books on body language, making friends, and communication. I go to parties, I try to get involved at my college campus, I always try to help out when I can, I'm very athletic and reasonably intelligent, but I still really struggle with people. In all honesty, apart from my parents and best friend, nobody really cares about my companionship. I recently pledged a fraternity and for a while it looked like I was getting closer to the brothers. But now, I have fallen into the same pattern I always do. I smile like I mean it, try to be appropriate, ask them tons of questions about themselves (which just seems to annoy people after a while), sometimes one of my jokes actually works, and everything seems fine for a short time and then it gets awkward. Eventually they begin looking at me in a certain way, and it is then when I realize that I made the same mistakes I have made a thousand times over. I know I can be negative sometimes, but isn't everyone occasionally? I hear people say things about me behind my back sometimes, people I'm supposed to be close too, but I really don't know how I have offended them. Most people seem to at least like me a little, but I wish I could actually make friends. I want to able to fit into my own group of people without them staring at me as if I'm something out of place, or a group that won't 'forget' to call me. I don't want to be the center of attention, I just want to be one of the guys on the side laughing, joking, and having fun. Thanks for any positive feedback, I'd really appreciate some guidance.Why can't I connect with people?
You seem like a nice person, so is it perhaps maybe you're trying too hard? And it's coming across as like that? Just be yourself, relax, tone down a bit. I would continue to be friendly to others and smile (which you have said you do all the time).





You mentioned also that people talk behind your back. Find out what they are talking about. That will give you a clue to what you're doing wrong. But don't delve on it too much. It's just the way it is. Don't push yourself too much about getting close or having friends. If you noticed somebody is receptive to a friendship, be there, listen to them (which I am sure you do) and take it from there. Maybe if you try to participate in some projects or some event that requires a field trip, that would help also. Read also books about psychology. That's what I do when i feel being insecure in school.Why can't I connect with people?
Go to a councler? I don't know. You seem really nice. Sometimes, you will go through things like this. Don't overthink it. Just be nice and laid-back. Be yourself!! Don't try to please others in the way these books tell you, try to please yourself by being who you are.
you seem to be a people pleaser and too nice it doesn't seem to be working for you so you need to be more yourself, more selfish start pleasing yourself instead of asking loads of polite questions, be a bit bad instead of boring, stop looking for a connection
I think that you should give yourself time. Just try to have friends and don't work so hard on trying to connect with people; just be yourself.
Let it be. Stop trying, let the universe unfold, sit back and watch it happen.
Well it seems like you have the answer somewhere. Like the saying, if you always do what you always did, you will always get what you've always got. You talk about a pattern, so apparently you know what you are doing wrong. So you smile, ask appropriate questions, and tell jokes, that is what you are supposed to do, so you need to reevaluate why that doesn't work for you. Why is that getting awkward for you?? I wonder if you are sincere, or just trying to fit into a mold of what you think people want from you. So if smiling, and joking and asking them about themselves is a mistake you make a million times over, then stop that. I am not sure what to say about being negative. You didn't give us much to work with there. Yes, we all have our bad days, but don't focus on the negative, it brings other people down. If you are having a bad day, yes it helps to talk about it, but others don't want to be around someone who is consumed by negative thoughts, it bums them out and brings them down. Maybe you could get a notebook and write down 3 positive things that happen to you every day so you shift your focus from the negative to the positive things that happen to you. Maybe you could ask the people that are talking about you behind your back what you have done to offend them. If they are talking about you behind your back, they should be able to tell you to your face what you did that upset them, and give you a chance to correct it. This is such a tricky post. I think there is a clue when you say you are trying to fit into a group. We don't all fit into a tiny little box. Instead of trying to fit into that group, maybe you just have to be yourself. So like the music you like, like the clothes you like, like the food you like, like the books you like, like the sports you like. Be who you were meant to be, focus on who you were meant to be, and stop trying to fit into some mold you have in your mind. It is perfectly fine to just be yourself. I think maybe where you are failing is that you are trying to be what you think others want you to be, instead of just being who you are. If you try to be some molded idea you have in your head, it is not who you are, and you can't keep it up. Be yourself, be who you were meant to be, and chase your own dreams.
I think you are putting way too much energy into forcing people to come to you, and somehow it comes across. I've learned to attract people to me (I've had to learn to turn it on and off because I get too many people coming and going in my life and it gets crazy, but that's how I know it works).





First and foremost, you have to be happy and having fun! Fulfill your life with interesting and fun activities and appreciate moment by moment. The world is filled with strange and wonderful diversions. Stretch your limits, push the envelope. Embrace new, exotic experiences. Don't act busy, BE busy.





Next you have to genuinely love and appreciate people, without judgment. People are interesting, funny, crazy, irrational, silly, irritating and thoroughly wonderful in all their imperfections.





Also remember, good neighbors make good fences. Know the limits of some friendships. You can have a perfectly fine friendship based on a specific activity, but not share your life with them. For instance, I like MMA, so I have an MMA buddy who goes with me to events, but we rarely see each other outside of that. It works.





Listen to people. Don't grill them about their lives, (it usually not necessary), just let them talk about themselves, but really listen and try to be interested.





Love them and don't be afraid to show it. False affection is off putting, but if you really enjoy someones company don't be afraid to say 'you are such lunatic that's why I love spending time with you'. Gentile teasing shows affection (just don't get too caustic). You are telling the person you love the, but the teasing keeps it from getting 'sloppy'.





Good luck
Ask your parents and best friend for feedback. You sound like you're trying too hard. Tone stuff down, we can't be liked by all people all of the time. My dad had an old line he used to repeat that I love it goes like this ';Everyones' queer but me and thee, and I sometimes worry about thee';. Now this is an old saying the word 'queer' meant strange, not what it means to day. Anyway, I think about it from time to time and just don't worry about a lot of people, because sometimes the harder you try to fit in to harder it is to fit in.